140. I haven’t starved myself in a long time, but I did today. I forgot why I liked it so much. It makes me so dizzy, I don’t even pay attention to my friends who doesn’t text me. It’s almost like I’m not even lonely. I might’ve missed it.
139. I enjoy seeing and feeling my bones.
138. That moment when X makes you really happy but then you get nervous about it because you think it’ll lead to binging and weight gain (when binging hasn’t even been a problem in the past??)
137. Last night at a party, I told my friend that my other friend thought I was x kgs (lower than I am) and she laughed. Now I feel so fat and like a failure I don’t even want to see her and I have to. Last night I binged on x because of her and I can’t purge, so I still feel so nauseated
- 136. I had a dream that started off with me playing soccer. The focus became the concessions at the game. In the end I passed out on the field and my bones were showing. I woke up jealous of the girl in the dream. I think this is a sign that I am definitely relapsing.
- 135. I don't have the energy to study or clean my room, but I always have the energy to work out.
- 134. I used to be anorexic and in attempt to cure myself I became bulimic. I actually wish I could be anorexic again because this is worse.
- 133. My best friend has the loveliest collarbones I have ever seen, and she doesn't even try. She always looks flawless, and it triggers me so much. She takes her looks for granted. She doesn't realize how fortunate she is to have a perfect body and personality. But I can't exactly be angry at her for being perfect, can I?
- 132. I bought myself a shower gel I'm going to use when I've reached my goal... I'm scared I never will.
- 131. It's only a matter of time until I take all of the laxatives and my parents notice they're gone.